2.2 A time for love

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When my elder sister, Byzantium, started dating her now husband Shavran, my parents decided to talk to us all about relationships.  They stressed that though it could be tempting, given the situation we were living in, to just settle for anyone we met, because there were so few people our own age, we must never settle for someone who wasn’t good enough for us.  They told us that love was about more than settling for someone who showed an interest in you, and it was about more than just a feeling.  They taught us that love is about a connection with someone who wants you for who you are, who wants to enter into a partnership with you, to stick with you through thick and thin, that above all, it’s about being best friends.

My sister was lucky to find Shavran.  He is all of those things for her.  But not everyone is so lucky.  There were so few guys at school my age, and now we are older, I find that they are all taken.

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There are times that I’ve cried myself to sleep, wondering who would marry me, whether anyone would ever find me attractive.  I have often wondered if my illness has made me hideous to others – whether they look at my skin and feel sick.  Although I told my father I would take on the responsibility of bringing more children into this world I have worried that it might never happen, that I may never find someone to love me or want me – and even if I did, that I might never be able to conceive.  I know my father was still able to become a parent, but what if it was different for me as a woman?  What if the illness affected me differently?

But then I remembered my parents’ words about the person you love being the person who is also your best friend, and it hit me like a bolt from the blue.  I have a best friend… he’s always been there for me… and I love him.  I knew that he was the one I could make a life with, because we already knew each other so well, and we had been through so much together.

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Oscar has been a constant in my life.  He has been there for my whole life, even before I was born.  He is my best friend – but even though I kept trying to get his attention, he didn’t seem to notice.  I worried he was still in love with Lulu, his old girlfriend who used to live with us.  Lulu died in a fire… I still struggle to wipe that memory of her screaming from my mind at night… Oscar is still damaged from that accident… but he needs to recover from it.  I wanted to be the one to help him through it.  Then I realised, he still saw me as a child.

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So, one day, when my father and brother were working, and my sister was meeting with the people from the artists’ colony, I decided to be brave, and to show Oscar that I was no longer a child, but a woman.

I confessed to him how much I loved him, how he was my best friend and the one I could see myself spending my life with – and how I wanted him to be the one to be my first, and my only.

He was taken aback at first.  He stuttered, he didn’t know what to say.

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I moved in and kissed him. It was my first kiss, and I was terrified he would reject me, but soon he was kissing me back, and it was amazing, and tender, and full of emotion, and I could feel pieces falling into place. I was finally accepted as me, as a woman, and I was safe in the arms of my best friend.

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Soon we became closer – it was as if that kiss had unleased something in both of us, a chain reaction, something we couldn’t control. All I wanted was him and I think that all he wanted was me.  We cried and clung to each other afterwards – I think each of us was lonely and didn’t dare admit it – and now we are a partnership, we are boyfriend and girlfriend. It seems so odd to be saying that about my best friend.

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I was anxious about telling my father. I didn’t know how he’d react to the news that I was now with Oscar.  As I expected, he didn’t take it too well.  At first he was angry.  Oscar had helped raise me since I was a baby, and Dad thought he was too old for me, that he was taking advantage of me.  Then, almost suddenly, he was sad.  He didn’t say as much but I knew he was disappointed I hadn’t found anyone my own age.  My mother was a lot older than my father and although he loved her a lot, it had broken all of our hearts that she died when we were so young.  I have had those fears myself.  I worry that my Oscar will die a long time before I do, and whilst our children are still young.

My father implored me to think about things, to really consider if this is the right choice for me, and for Oscar.  He told me to be careful with my heart – it was the most precious thing I had.  But I cannot afford to question the choice I have made, I cannot afford to have doubts about whether Oscar and I will work, I can’t afford to worry about what will happen in future.  We are best friends, and we can be a team.  We will make it work.  We have to…

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…because we are going to have a baby.

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9 Responses to “2.2 A time for love”

  1. moondaisy101 Says:

    Beautifully written. Chaotica is such a nice girl. I hope Oscar won’t die too soon, she would be heart-broken. Can’t wait to see the baby 🙂

  2. That was electric! My favorite dispatch so far, and that’s saying something. Beautifully and sensitively written, and a nice little punch at the end.

    I’ve got my fingers crossed for them.

  3. Very well written, Chaotica feels so real. Great portrayal, Rad 🙂

    I too hope that Oscar has a long life ahead of him.

  4. Wow, you have really brought these characters to life. The names, your writing and the voice you give them really draws your readers in. I’m so very impressed.

  5. Chaotica writes even better than Alf!! Okay, I know that they’re really the same person (you at the computer screen) but the whole voice you give them sounds so amazing, I am going to read the whole story right now. You make them seem like more than just pixels in a computer’s memory.

  6. As much as I loved Alf, I love Chaotica even more. 🙂

  7. theemmettlegacy Says:

    Chaotica was definitely the right choice to continue where Alf left off. I really hope that Oscar isn’t just settling, though, and that he lives long enough for their child (and potential other children) to properly get to know their father.

    • He’s not too much older – he was a teen when Chaotica was little. Choosing older spouses becomes a bit of a pattern for the family as you’ll see. I think only two members ever have younger spouses.

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