2.4 Family matters

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I can’t believe how much my children have come to redefine me.  In the short time they have been with us, they have shifted everything in my world.  They are my centre, my priority – I would die for them without hesitation.  They have spurred me on to do the best I can to help in the rebuilding of this town and to also do the best I can for my family.

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Now I am a mother myself, I see all too clearly how much family matters.  My family have all been a godsend to me and to Oscar as we raise the girls.  The girls cry at night when they are hungry, or smelly, or cold, or lonely, and sometimes the crying goes on for hours.  I would go crazy if I didn’t have my brother, my sister and my father here to help with them.  Castrovalva does not work – preferring to stay at home and paint.  She still won’t be talked out of her dream of moving to the artists’ colony one day.  I had hoped the children would change her mind, but I know that she is only staying here whilst my father lives and the girls are small.  I am so glad she hasn’t yet moved on.  I can feel that not being where she truly wants to be is breaking her heart in a small way, but she is the most wonderful auntie.  When the rest of us are away at work, she stays at home with the girls, attending to their needs.

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Her paintings are the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  A few years ago, she went through a phase of painting things that were quite dark.  She was depressed and struggling with the aftermath of Lulu’s accident, as we all were, but since Ezri and Echo arrived, her work has taken on a new quality.  Like many of the Riverview artists, she paints flowers, sunrises, streams, fields – things most of us have never seen, and probably will never see, but her paintings are so beautiful they help me imagine.  We have to burn them, though.  We can only ever keep one here at any one time.  When the Altos come and raid us every week they make sure we don’t have any hidden away.  It breaks my heart to see my sister’s visions float away on the air, but she tells me to imagine that they are being released into the town, and to imagine the town will one day be released to see these things again.
I just wish the whole world could see the work my sister creates.  We may physically have to destroy her paintings, but I have memorised every single one of them and hold them in my heart and in my head.  Whenever I need a reminder of what we are working towards, I bring one to mind and it makes me smile.

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Cas’s work is a huge inspiration to keep going through the dark times – but the biggest inspiration of all is my father, Alf.  Despite his advancing years, he still gives a day of the week to help at the Military Base.  I am so proud of the work he and the others at the Base have done for this town.  Were it not for them, Cas, Oscar, Davros and I would never be able to leave the house except for work, would never be able to breathe the air.  It is still too bad for young people and the elderly to venture out, other than the very fittest.  That’s part of the reason I want to work in athletics; to help people improve their fitness and stamina so they can cope with the harsh conditions here.

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When he isn’t at work, and the rest of us are, my father helps Cas with the girls.  He dotes on them.

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They have put such a twinkle in his eye: he is happier than I have seen him for many, many years.  I know he still misses my mum dearly.  I know sometimes, when he thinks we are all asleep, he cries at night.  But since the girls came, the crying is less frequent and the laughter comes more often.  He wishes she could meet her grandchildren – I wish that so much, too.  My heart aches that she can’t see them, but we will tell them of her as they grow up, and maybe they will come to love her in the way we all did.

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Davros continues to work hard and is getting promoted at a regular rate.  I am unbelievably proud of my little brother.  He comes home, excited, most nights.  He tells us that the medical team are working towards getting us medicine – just to think, one day there might even be a cure for the condition my daughters have!  I don’t expect a cure will help me or my father, but maybe it will help Ezri and Echo, or at least prevent their own children from developing it.  He also says they are working towards a time we will have running water in our homes – can you imagine?

I guess you can, I keep forgetting there is a whole other world out there where all these dreams of ours are a reality.  The thought of being able to drink cold clean water without boiling it for hours first, the thought of being able to wash ourselves is something almost unimaginable, but Davros is confident that the medical team will get there one day.  I so hope it’ll be in my daughters’ lifetime, if not my own.

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As for me, well, sometimes it is hard to be positive.  I can see so much happening in my town that gives me hope, but in my own life?  I often just feel so sad and it’s hard to get anyone else to understand.  It is not my job, or my children – both are a real blessing.  It seems so silly, really.  In the scheme of things, it is so small, so trivial – but it is nonetheless tearing me up inside.

My boyfriend Oscar has become a transformed man in many ways since the girls arrived.  He is a good father and always playing with them and cuddling them.  He cuddles me, too, we still express our love for each other – but there remains a part of him that is locked away from me, no matter what I do.  I recently asked him to marry me.  I saw how much my parents loved each other and how in love my sister Byzantium is with her husband Shavran and I want that – but most of all, I want the teamwork, the partnership, the commitment.  I don’t for a moment think Oscar will walk out on me or our children – but I want that mental and emotional distance to go.  I want to be married.  Unfortunately, Oscar and I don’t want the same things.  He was shocked that I proposed, and he told me he couldn’t marry me.

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He said it was because he wanted us to have a proper wedding, or at least a wedding where he looked less terrible.  He hates the way he looks since the accident, but I don’t know if the scars will ever fade.  Maybe when Davros and the medics develop medicine and water… but even then, I don’t know, and neither does he.  If he will never recover, does that mean he will never marry me?  What if that isn’t even the reason?  What if he just doesn’t want me in that way, doesn’t see me as a partner, doesn’t want me to be there til death do us part?

I love this man, and I think he loves me, but I don’t know how, I don’t know what he thinks our love is, what love even means to him.  I don’t think it means the same as it does for me.  We are an unconventional family, that is for sure.

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And our unconventional family is about to get even bigger.

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13 Responses to “2.4 Family matters”

  1. hrootbeer Says:

    i loved this last update. I’m surprised that Oscar wouldn’t marry her, but the way you explained it made sense.

    Maybe if I finish one of my legacies, the next challenge I will take on is an apocalypse challenge.

    • He won’t marry her in the actual game because he is too frequently in a bad mood from being singed. So that pretty much translates into the story as is.

  2. What a bittersweet chapter. Poor Chaotica. I hope things work out for her and Oscar.

    I feel very sad for Castro, and I think her painting is gorgeous. I have my fingers crossed for her; for all of them.

  3. The way you tell your story makes the characters and the situation seem real. I absolutely adore your apocalypse challenge.

  4. moondaisy101 Says:

    I love to Chaotica’s voice. She is such a deep character and naturally elicits empathy with her descriptions of life in a ravaged town; the daily hardships encountered, the sacrifices made and the frail hopes for a better future. Beautiful writing, Rad!

  5. I thought maybe you found a special CC outfit for Oscar…but then you say he has negative moodlets from being singed..do you start him on fire on a consistent basis? lol.

    • Haha – no – there’s no way of getting rid of the singing until the medical restriction is lifted and sims can bathe/shower; so he has had singing and the associated negative moodlet since Lulu died. You might have noticed that his head changed when he aged from YA to adult. It’s possible it’ll go when he transitions to elder, but I guess we’ll see. Not sure how I’ll work that into the story if that does happen, but I’ll think of something!

  6. I just read this through from the beginning. Wow – such beautiful writing. You evoke real emotion.

    The story is fantastic – and so are you for daring the apocalypse. Not easy to play.

    Question though… in one of my games something had happened to the shower – don’t remember what – but the sim gave themselves a sponge bath at the sink. Without my telling them to — I hadn’t known it was an option. I guess you have to not exercise the option or cancel it if he tries to do it?

  7. Aww… so much emotion in this chapter.. so much desperation, but yet so much hope… loved it.

    I hope Oscar and her end up together:(

  8. Lilly - Baucom Legacy Says:

    Ah how could Oscar get her pregnant twice, still love her, and not even want to marry her? Hopefully it will work out…

  9. Hmm, I’m not sure what to make of Oscar. My guess is that he’s still in love with Lulu and never felt that way about Chaotica, but he was so lonely and desperate to feel happy again that he jumped at the chance to be with Chaotica.

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